A day to be proud of myself and 'The Things That We Take For Granted'

So, first, 'The Things That We Take For Granted'

Today: Being able to raise your arms to tie your hair, wear your T-Shirt, wave at somebody, remove a jar from the top shelf... and everything that needs you to raise your arms above your head level :(

Day-before yesterday the trainer S made us do the entire body workout. Since yesterday evening my arms started protesting. Loudly. By night I was having trouble raising my arms. The ache continues today. 

I had work till late afternoon today. So I decided to go to the gym at about 4 p.m. I returned home at 2:30 p.m. and was extremely tired. Also my arms were aching so much and that made me more tired and very irritable. I just didn't feel like going to the gym today. I was scheduled to do the full-body workout and that would include upper-body. The thought of doing that made me feel miserable. 

P said I should sleep for a while. After resting, I'd feel better. He also expressed doubt if I would wake up in time and whether I would go to the gym. Secretly I too was feeling like not going. But aloud I said, 'Don't worry. Ill go. No matter what. But I won't do upper-body. I'll tell the trainer. Only lower body today.' So I slept for about 45 minutes. When the alarm went off I hit snooze once. The next time it went off, I was tempted to hit snooze but, unwillingly, I got up, got dressed and went to the gym. Today S wasn't there. A guy, SP, was in charge today. I told him everything and he took me through the lower body workout. He too was patient and nice with me. Once done, I did stretches as per his instructions and then asked him to show me stretches to help reduce the ache in the arms. He got me to do those as well. Finally I was done. I thanked him and left.

Tomorrow is Sunday. The gym is open but I am going to take a break. I'll go on Monday.

So today is a day to be proud of myself. Its easy to go to the gym when you feel like going. Not at all easy when you feel miserable at the thought. I made the right choice in a difficult situation. So I am proud of myself :)

Day 4 and not bored yet...

...its a milestone for me ! 

I am (still) eager to go to the gym despite the body ache. Actually I shouldn't be making such a statement. I've decided to deal with my resistance to exercise on a day to day basis. So let me rephrase that. Till today I have been eager to go to the gym :)

Today I went earlier than the last three days because I wanted to meet my friend. Last night I retired to the bedroom at about 10:45 p.m. and finally went to sleep at about 11:20 p.m. I woke up (with the help of the alarm) at 7:00 a.m. today. A little over 7 hours of sleep. Not bad, eh ?

I met my friend in the gym today. His trainer had called him early so he was already more than halfway through his workout. We just said a quick 'Hi' and I started my workout. Today was Cardio and Abs. So did the treadmill first. I was actually looking for S but didn't see her around. As I began walking on the treadmill suddenly she was at my side remarking that I was early today. Then she told me the order of the workout for Cardio and Abs. A little later my friend suddenly came to my side and said, "Good good...fight ! Good speed !"

I sweated so much today ! 15 minutes each on the treadmill, elliptical and bicycle with a couple of sets of different types of crunches and the plank position. But it felt really good. I was able to do everything without any immediate body ache. I guess that will begin later in the day :)

My friend left earlier than I and while leaving he asked me to come at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow too. I replied that since I have teaching in the morning, I'll be coming in the afternoon. So he said, "OK, but make sure you do come. Don't miss it." It felt good...somebody making sure I stick to it. I'd always longed for a gym buddy...somebody who'll keep tabs on me...not necessarily be with each minute but be watchful from a distance. I'm so glad I listened to him and joined the same gym :)

Last night P was asking me whether I would now get up early each day and go to the gym earlier. I told him that I am not making any rules for myself. If I bind myself too much I feel stifled and then start rebelling against myself even though I know that it is to my detriment. So I'm keeping it simple this time. I'm going to be easy with it. The only thing I have decided is that I will exercise everyday, no matter what. No other rules. This might work better for me.

Tomorrow I have a full body workout and heaven knows what is going to happen to me after that ! I hope I'll be able to drive back home at least :D The one good thing is that day-after is Sunday and I shall get some relief :)

That's all for today. See you tomorrow :)

I can use my hands again...

that's how I am able to type this post !

I met the workout programmer today at the gym. Once again I realised that politeness, friendliness and kindness go a long way. Especially with me. He was very nice to speak to. He designed a workout for me. Alternate days of Total Body Workout (read: those torturous machines) and Cardio+Abs (less torturous).

As I was wearing my shoes in the changing room S, the lady instructor, took charge of me there itself ! "Let's go, she said, Upper body workout today". I dutifully went on the gym floor and met my new friend M again. S led us from machine to machine and M and I did  S made us do the upper body workout turn by turn. My arms gradually started giving up on me. By the time we were on the last machine it was a huge struggle. So much so that I couldn't raise my arm to push back a stray strand of hair ! Its confirmed...S is definitely condescending towards those (like me) who haven't exercised before. But I am not really taking it to heart because right now it is more important for me that I turn up daily and exercise sincerely and S is pushy enough to ensure that.

Today towards the end of the exercise I exclaimed, "My arms have just died. I could do any amount of Cardio but these machines are impossible !" On cue M remarked "That's why I never last at gyms." I realised that perhaps this might have been one of the reasons that I have wasted money on gyms twice before.

I texted my friend that I had gone to gym today as well. I said I could only text in the evening after I regained use of my hands :) He's not asked me to report to him everyday but I'm kind of creating answerability for myself. Tomorrow I plan to go earlier...when he goes...and that means I will have to sleep earlier today.

Tomorrow promises to be less difficult than today...Cardio and Abs. Yay !

People at the gym, what sweat makes me feel and other things

Fact 1) I slept very late last night. 

Fact 2) I had an early morning meeting today.

Result: Skip going to the gym Go at a later time. Take a nap in the afternoon.

As directed by this chap yesterday I met the receptionist as soon as I entered and told her that it was my first day. She asked me to change and said she would introduce me to the trainer. I did as told but then she said that the trainer could take me through a routine only after the programmer had made out a workout card for me...and the programmer would only be available tomorrow ! Luckily since I had taken a trial, I had a little understanding of a couple of machines and the treadmill, stepper and bicycle. So I told her that I'd just do what I did the previous day. She seemed relieved and left me alone on the floor.

I hopped on to a treadmill. Suddenly a lady appeared at my side. She was the instructor. She asked me if it was my first day and when I replied in the positive, she asked me if they did my body analysis and whether the Nutritionist met me. The answer was 'No' for both questions. She asked me to get that done first. She popped into the Reception for a minute and told them to do it. As I came into the Reception she pointed out the Nutritionist to me. She was right there when I walked in and asked about what needs to be done before I begin the workout and she didn't tell me ! When S, the instructor, went back to the floor, the Receptionist and the Nutritionist looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Then the Nutritionist took me to her office, did the body analysis and gave me broad guidelines about healthy eating. (I am 20 kilos overweight, by the way, just like I felt.)

Finally I went to the floor. S asked me a bit about my past (non-existent) exercise pattern and then seemed relieved that I am at least in the habit of walking. Then she guided me through cardio, abs and stretched at the end of the workout. She seems tough. I like that . It'll help me. Also, I detected a whiff of condescension towards people (like me) who aren't in the habit of exercising. Nonetheless, she's helpful and pushy which works just well for me.

At the end of the workout I was looking for S to show me the stretches when another girl asked me where S was. We got talking and discovered we had a lot in common including today being our first day at the gym, we went to the same school etc. She's 20 years younger than me, I suspect. Yet the conversation flowed. I made a new acquaintance on the first day ! Good fun eh ?

When I returned, I texted my friend that I had gone today and that I liked S even though I think she is a little sharp. We were texting back and forth when he wrote that he loved sweat ! So I wrote back that though I didn't like sweat at all, I did love what it made me feel...I felt really good...and I know it seems a bit foolish but while sweating I kept feeling 'Wow ! See all those calories melt away' :D

Today after I was done, I happened to see T. He is the instructor who took me through my trial day yesterday. He smiled and waved at me and I did the same. Later he asked me about what I did today and I told him. Its a small gesture but it felt nice.

I know that my target is a hard one and I'll have to consistently exercise to achieve it. But today, I'm feeling positive that I will achieve it.

My body is going to ache tonight. Especially my abdominal muscles. But I will go to the gym tomorrow nevertheless.

Aaaaand...I'm back !

It's been a while. I've been missing in action. Once again I stopped exercising. From then till now I tried getting back to exercising, more precisely walking. Every time I began walking, I would continue for a few days and if, for any reason, I couldn't make it on any day, then it would be enough to just stop going altogether. I always had excuses. I slept late last night was the most common one, followed by I have to go to work early today. 

All the while, my desire to lose weight never diminished. But neither did my apathy towards exercise.

About a year ago I think I gave up on my desire to lose weight. I accepted that I was going to remain overweight for the rest of my life. Somehow it felt good. I kept thinking that this should pinch me. I should feel bad about having given up. But neither did it pinch me nor did I feel bad. 

I work in Theatre. I'm an actor and an acting coach. All around me I saw people taking efforts to maintain themselves. That includes exercising to stay within the age-appropriate weight zone. They discussed their exercising patterns, healthy eating habits with me as well. And yet, it didn't affect me at all. It was as if I had given up.

Then, a few days ago, out of blue a friend started talking to me of how he's going to the gym and how I should too. He was quite persistent. I told him that one tow occasions previously I had paid gym fees and not gone enough and thus wasted my money. I was afraid that history would repeat itself. He said I could join only for a month and try to be regular. If, after that I felt I could continue, I could join for one more month or three months. He suggested I go slow till I become completely sure. He assured me that if I went to the gym when he goes, I'd have company and encouragement. Finally, just to make him stop talking, I said that I would go and enquire. 

Three days passed and I still hadn't enquired. He never followed up on me. So that wasn't a problem. I just tried to push it aside. But somehow the thought kept coming back. It niggled at me till I finally decided to just go and enquire, and not join if I didn't feel like it.

So day-before yesterday I went and enquired. Its a little expensive to enrol only for one month as compared to the heavy discount I would get if I enrolled for a year. The gym was very good. Lots of latest equipment. They said I could have a one-day trial pass before I committed. I said I'd take the trial the next day i.e. yesterday. 

But once I walked out of there, my resolve vanished. All the way home I kept thinking about how horrible I would look (I'm 20 kilos overweight for my height), how I'd not be able to do those exercises and disappoint myself etc. etc. I was trying to bring myself to a point of not joining. Still, I was beginning to feel a little hopeful too. So I asked P, my husband, if he would ensure that I made it to the gym every day. He agreed...and began by pushing me to go for the trial. I said I'd go at 10 a.m. Then the next morning i.e. yesterday morning I told him I'd be going at 11 a.m. He complained but allowed the change. Later I said I'd go at 3 p.m. Then he warned me. I said I did plan on going. At 3 p.m. he just pointed out the time to me. I promptly left for the gym. As I was driving to the gym, all my previous thoughts resurfaced...but I kept driving anyway. 

Once I reached there I confessed to the instructor that he would have to teach me everything right from the basics...even how to use the machines. He was very kind and led me through the exercise routine gently but firmly. I started feeling better and more comfortable. Sometimes you just need a bit of kindness. As I finished up the workout, I thanked him and enrolled for a month.

As I returned home I sent a photo of my membership card to my friend. He promptly replied that he was very proud of me and very happy for me. He said he was sure I'd be able to do everything quite well and asked me to be slow but steady :)

This is quite a long account of how I finally joined a gym after refusing to do something about my weight for so long. Why am I recording all these details ? So that I remember each and every thought and emotion I go through in the process and can discard those thoughts that will block my journey to becoming fit.

I'm not going to write about the exact workouts in detail...maybe the weight changes, maybe lessons learnt along the way...but certainly all the thoughts and emotions...especially the ones harmful to my goal.

Gradually I am also shifting to healthier eating habits and regular sleep times. I also want to document my progress on those fronts.

My legs and arms are hurting no matter how I sit or stand or move or don't move. BUT, I will go to the gym today. 

Oh, and lesson learnt today: Don't eat or Eat light before going to the gym.

That's all for today. See you tomorrow.

8 NOV. 2012

All the fatigue got better of me this morning. Without any guilt whatsoever, I decided to skip the walk today. I was sooooooo tired and needed to sleep and that's what I did. I woke up at 8:00 a.m. feeling so fresh ! Continuing with trend set in the morning, I went all out and ate whatever I pleased without feeling guilty. After a month of strictness, this was my reward to myself, I decided. Tomorrow onwards I'll go back to my exercise + diet control routine.

Report Card:

Walked 0 kms. today

Breakfast 9:00 a.m.: 1 bowl Kellogs Wheat Bran with milk

Lunch 1:00 p.m.: 1 bhatura, 1/4 bowl chhole, 1/2 bowl butter paneer masala veg, 4 slices of cucumber, 2 bowls veg biryani, 2 gulabjam  

Tea 3:40 p.m.: 1 cup tea

Dinner 6:30 p.m.: 1 cup tea, 1 bowl upama

Slept at 11:30 p.m.

7 NOV. 2012

Today, as I had decided yesterday, I walked at an easy pace and managed to complete the 5 kms. I'll admit that I was feeling a wee bit tired in the last 1.5 kms. and I decreased my speed further in those 1.5 kms.

Report Card:

Walked 5.03 kms. today

Breakfast 8:30 a.m.: 1 bowl Kellogs Special K with milk

Lunch 1:00 p.m.: 2 chapatis, 1 bowl brinjal veg, 1/2 bowl assorted veg, 4 slices cucumber, 2 bowls buttermilk

Tea 3:40 p.m.: 1 cup tea

Dinner 7:00 p.m.: 2 chapatis, 1/2 bowl brinjal veg

Slept at 11:15 p.m.

I was feeling tired and sleepy all day today. I kept drinking water. I also ate handfuls of saleechya laahya (I think they are jowar puffs/popcorn/flakes) thrice during the day because I felt I must be hungry and not realising it. Nothing helped.

I have a huge weekend coming up - three shows of my play in Mumbai. I return to Pune in the early hours of Monday and leave for my week-long vacation to Kokan on Tuesday morning. All the preparations for these things have been weighing heavy on my mind and time. Also, our company has the entire Diwali week off by not taking some holidays in the rest of the year. So the week before we break for Diwali is the most hectic week of all in office. Perhaps all that fatigue is accumulating.